Reflections of a marriage

John was more fun, all things being equal.

I knew 30 years ago I wanted to be marriage again and I had dated many of the eligible men in Green Bay. The reason that John was most interesting to me was that he was fun to be with and had a active for each season of the year. Football games in the fall, cross country skiing in the winter and sailing in the summer, all of them were activities that were fun.

The two most endearing qualities of John are his kindness and loyalty. I knew of generous acts of his before I dated him so I was not surprised by that at all. John also have a reputation of many girl friends so the part about loyalty was a characteristic that on the surface was not known. It was there but only held for his family and his old friendships. Once you made into that level of his life, he was loyal.

I asked John last night if he remember our simple little marriage ceremony in front of my rented cabin 30 years ago in Ephraim. He has lost that picture in his mind. I describe for him how only our families were there. Thirty years ago there were lots of young people in the family. Then there was Dick Steinbrink and his lady friend of the week, who drove up the judge and his wife from Green Bay.

Two things made this wedding special for me. I had gone to Jerry's Nursery and purchased about a dozen red geraniums plants that I placed around the yard. The other little touch was the substitute for the wedding cake.

My sisters Ellen and Mary were living in the cottage that summer with my children. We had made most of the food for a simple table of finger food. I have ordered some small petite cakes from an old German couple that were bakers in Green Bay. I loved the look of those delicate cakes and in my mind it made my wedding a special moment. Those cakes and the yard filled with red geraniums.

Ken never wanted to wear a sport jacket or dress up but he had something nice on for the pictures. Susan always had one nice dress for each season the year that I bought at Alicia Children's Shop in Ephriam at the end of the season. I remember it being grey and tan dress that summer. Both of the children looked dressed for the occasion.

I shopped forever for the right understated dress and surprisingly found it at Al Johnson's shop in Sister Bay. It was a lite peach colored knit with a straight skirt and a v neck with long sleeves. My hair was long and I had colored it myself that afternoon. The color was too dark but I was not letting anything cloud my mind with disappointment so I ignored it and put it up. Only my sisters and I knew that it was too dark. My sister, Kathy, was always good with a camera and I look at those pictures of that day and remember feeling pretty.

John's marriage was a major event for the Murphy family. He had remained a bachelor so long and, even then his mother, was not looking at this event with joy only resignation. His brothers on the other hand were supportive along with the extended family that were not presence.

Over the years I probably have taken care of John more than the other way around. John's decisions making skills were hampered by fear of a mistake. My view of life is that time is limited and I have to make the most of it. I have therefore made most of our decisions in our marriage about our homes, travel or investments. John's loyalty to me allowed this to work. Often he feared change, frequently worried about reaction from his family but in the end, I could calm him down and he was supportive.

Each marriage creates a spirit that is totally new. Early in my marriage I realized that I had to find somethings from other people to make my life full because my curiosity was much larger than John's. I have gathered interesting people at different periods of life to full this need. I have pursued interests and studied to round out those needs.

He traveled the world with me but had little interest in any of it. He has seen far corners of countries, many museums, UN Hertiage Site around the global but in the end, it was the little child standing in front of him that charmed him the most. Maybe that is also the charm of John and why I still find him a wonderful man.

John does not remember our wedding or many details about our history but he still ends each evening by saying, "Well, I had a good day today. Got a couple things done. How about you? Did you have a good day? " After a short discussion, John always finishes the day with, " I love you".

We went to the Daisy Queen yesterday and got a ice cream cone, medium size. We both laughed about how wonderful it made us feel.