Lilies of the Field

Without the ability to survive trials of difficulties, I would have never develops any personal strength. That is something so deep in my being that sometimes I don't recognize it's importance.

Anyone that knows my life knows that I was divorced with two small children at a young age, returned to college to finish my education while basically living one month away from food stamps. Then after a brief marriage of less than two years, widowed.

The point of remembering this fact is, that without these contrasts, I would never have figured out what I wanted out of my life. Those years were confusing, painful, questioning of all the norms that I was raised within my family, school and religion. I was searching for sanity. I wanted to know what rules of living my life, raising my children would work. I could not use a standard chart when every exception of normal long life were experienced before I was 33 years old.

Always the answers are provided by Providence.

I had a bookstore.

Heaven knows, I was not a literature or English major, so this was a little detour. The first job as manager, I got because of my ability to lift boxes of books, organize and direct other people. I did not expect to get the job and when they offered the assistant manager's job I said no because I needed the money of the top job. They gave it to me immediately.

My Mother never read a book to me in all of my childhood, probably more to do with her schedule than her interest in doing it. She loving sang Irish songs to me and I remember them. Our home had few books but Mother did talk about a childhood of going to free concerts and lectures, valued education and we did have a library card.

My business sense and natural curiosity made up for much I lacked in many fields of knowledge. Those years of the bookstore gave me a free opportunity to search for my answers of what I want, what I needed to raise my children and lead a joyful, happy life. All the popular psychology of the 70's help me figure out what I was going to do about surviving my life and forming the dream.

Recently, I have been reading about what makes life work, how we allow Providence to give us what we need.

It reminds me of my bookstore days.